I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
