I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
