I must be too annoying 4 u.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he shaved USA in his pubs
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
