guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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