Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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