so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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