I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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