I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
