Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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