The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize