Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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