I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
