if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
