I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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