saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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