so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
