Say something about gay babies.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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