One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
