i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
