Don't make out with my wife yet
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
