honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
