and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
