goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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