So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
