Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
