I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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