They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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