i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
