we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
