smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
