gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
