yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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