My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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