There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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