I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
