I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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