Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
