This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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