so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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