It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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