His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
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