He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
