he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize