Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I need moral support for this bender
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
