jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
