I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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