I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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