I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
