She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Everclear isn't food dammit
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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