Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize