So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
