Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
50% drunk capacity currently
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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