Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
