I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
