I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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