They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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