And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize