So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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