I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
