when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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