Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
