Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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