I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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