What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
