I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
