So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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