How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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