"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
